Hi there, currently I’m in the blue, because of the result of interview. I thought all the interviewer interested on my master knowledge, but in fact they just throw me out the league. So I end up in a sorrow from my high expectation. It’s fvcking sad actually, my mind like blowing randomly. But I just don’t want to give up easily. I have to find what is lack on me. I have to make a list then, so people will be attracted to me.

  1. I have mastering certain things in civil or general enginnering
  2. I have to find recipe of rare food, that can i sell to other
  3. Learning about built up bussiness
  4. Reducing my time for playing game and youtubing unimportant topic.
  5. Schedulling all my activity within day

it’s just a short list, will be detailing in my book

 

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Growing Up

We are creature that develop different way in different time. You may loose to your self, by the hatred in the past. But maybe you can pass it in the future with big smile drawing in your face. You might felt so burden when faced one problem, in certain time ahead you’ll meet again with it and face it with a sincerity.

But what are things that change the burden and the hatred become matter less ?
As for me, because I am focus more to my self, and make other not really my big concern.
I am still on trying not to overthinking about what people though to me, and try to find my peace and happiness without harm any other people feeling.
Is it hard ? of course, that’s why people is growing up to surpass the hard matter in past life.

I am sure, that my life will still blooming in the future. This is not my brightest shine. I will make my self proud. It isn’t about to show other people, but to show my true self instead.

In the Middle of “Productive Sunday”

Currently, my project forcing the employees to work in Sunday, due to the time of this project is getting closer to its finish line. Actually my basic job desk will be finished sooner, I just have a few load of assignment. I don’t see any effectiveness of working in Sunday. It should be for rest, moreover I have no much work anymore. Back to the last year, I always finished my working on the 11 pm, and my weekend was used for working. I don’t like being forced anyway. I will working sincerely if i have so much work to do as my responsibility.

I have another thought about my resolution for this year. To get rid off my overthinking I have to fulfill my mind with something productive. Maybe I will lost my precious free time, but it will give me better direction. I don’t really want to hold on to friends, after I do some good things to them. I have to release the thought that people will do the same to you, it’s not that easy. I don’t need to think about it, but just pray and wish they will have a good life.

I have to concern with my own happiness. Seeking for the true meaning of happiness. does sacrifice to someone you think special will give you real happiness ? does hang out with someone you really care about will make you happy ?

It takes time to each other have same feeling, that is when the happiness coming.

Focus On My Self and My Future.

In the early of 2017, I made resolution to change my thought. I named it Simplicty and Discretion. In my opinion, this resolution about 75% succeed. I realize to change my self isn’t something that easy to do. Someone told me, the biggest enemy is  yourself. I am progressing to reduce my overthinking, at least i won’t do something impulsive in the future.

To add my 2017’s resolution, in 2018 I want to focus on my self. It is continuity of my 2017 resolutin. I want my self come first without making any harm to other. Yet I still be the good version of me. I will try to think about the future. Making  some plan, step by step in detail.

Welcome 2018, for me and my future.

Empathy’s negative side

I am a person with a big empathy. Empathy itself has the meaning of the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Somehow it seems like when other feeling so sad, I do feel the same. It feel clearly when the person is close to me. It make me sad. but it’s not the worst part. You know what the worst part is when someone thinking about you not in good way, somehow it make me to overthinking. Trying to understand what wrong in me? when i found that I am a boring person, yeah it hit me a lot. When I try to change to make a move from my circle, that’s mean i also have to out from my boundary, which is I totally can’t. I feel sick, and hatred appear in my heart.

I know the meaning of phrase, “you can’t please everyone”, now. Rather than I change my self, when I did and will understand other’s behavior. Now it’s time the universe choose who can stand close to me. Let God choose the right person to close to me. Be good to everyone doesn’t mean everyone will be good to you. Maybe the good real friends are same with my family, they are someone who can’t you choose to stay in your life, they always find way to reach you back, and you do the same.

 

Fast “Healing”

Last post, I wrote that  I should stated what has been changed on my self.  What I feel now, I am healing from feeling out of blue faster. I didn’t do something impulsive, I tried to thing logically right. It faster when I shared it in letter or maybe make my self busy with productive activity. I still learn a lot to focus on happiness of my self, before i spread the joy to other. I am still learning to keep thing simple just like this year tribbute to.

and today after surfing, I know what can make my focus increase. Make a dream, a high one, then the plan to reach it.

My dream of next year, I could be working in overseas with better benefit.  I want to feel new environmental, seeing new culture, learn how to face with people from different country, just like many friend of me did.

Keep it up Dam. You can bring it to surface your better version everyday.

Good Label

Today, I heard something that proving I can’t really be a bad boy. haha. I don’t know, it is good  or not, because it related to relationship closeness to people around me. What I heard is “If Adam going with you, he believe you don’t go to bad place (such as club or ‘higher’)”. Somehow it prove that I am a good man, in other side I will never get to close to people who have different path like me. I’ve ever explain in the very beggining of this page, I envy with smoker or drunker in friendship, they can share something more. When I hanging out i feel my head heavy. I guess it because this issue become dmain topic discussion in deep of my self.

I try to think clearly. What I have done until now is the best i can do to be a good person, and its the best version between good and bad. Maybe it’s time not to focus with other (again and again will be remindered), but to develop my self. It almost 2018 and you don’t change a lot Dam. Next page, maybe you have to write what things you’ve been improved in 2017. Maybe you will find, you still stay the same, or just a tiny changes.