Early Resolution

Hi, though it’s just begining of december I would like to make some new resolutions for next year. Why am I so early? It’s because I still fail in searching of new job. I have failed from cpns test, I failed twice for consultant company. To cheer me up, and to get my self back I want to make resolution which will focus on future. My past 2 years spent fixing and improving my self, it has been more than 75% changing my self. I am more often to simplify something, I tend to focus on my happiness without sacrifice my precious time. It’s time to get off my ass.

So my Resolution for 2019, I will get new job with good environment and management, flexible working time, so much better salary, travelling often, and give benefit to humanity. Second, I want to make my mind and body more healthy. I am reading a book of “Simplicite, How to live more with less”. This book tell me to simplify life, how to be a hunger, how to choose a concept of your home, etc. The third,  searchhing for love of my life, wish me luck. The last bot not least, for cultivating a better version of me, I want to reduce “sharing” to other people. I don’t want give a f*ck anymore about people bussiness. I want to more concern with my self.

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November feeling

Welcoming november of 2018, here I stand with mix feeling between happy and sad. I’m happy to see my good friend start new life. One of my good friend go to netherland for working there. One of my good friend started new life, married with girl he love so much, and two other will go after in this month and next month. I am happy because they can follow their dream, focus on they life.  I am sad because I’m too late to realize about my priority.

By the time goes on not only people outside the circle will change alot, all your inner will change too. They’ll have new priority, where I am fall in the unknown level of their priority. But at least I’ve made some memories for them. Maybe it’s time for me to change. After trying to understand about many people.  Soon I will living my dream. My job will end soon, to accompany them in their fall. I realize it is a hard way, because for many years I contributed my life mostly for close friend,  even though most of them never realize how much I sacrifice my time, or how really sad I am to separate with them or they just don’t believe that caring person like me exist. Each people have different way to think and feel something, and I realize that I am the one who like to overthink and overfeel.

My friend suggest me to use logic rather than feeling, I’ve tried it for many times. But I still end up using the feeling, though today I can better in controlling my feeling. I am far way better. As an example I am the one who like to be appreciated, but recently I found that my friend did not do it as I was trying to appreciate our friendship. In the past I will think about that issue like for a week. Today I just take a deep breath, while trying to understand the reason he did not appreciate me. Mostly will end up with ” I don’t give a fuck”.

So, I hope 2019 will be my years, beside it will become a politician years.
Just like what my friend told me, just run your life while grateful with all you have. Deep in my heart belive, I still have Substance that won’t go in every condition of my life.

“And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein (Quran 50:16)”

Quarter 4 of 2018

It’s almost the end of  october, and I’ve been arriving in Q4 of 2018. If I throw back to beggining of this year, my goal for this year wasn’t quite hard, instead a short simple one. It’s about focus to my self. If I can give score currently, I only 50% pass my goal. I think is quite good enough for ENFJ personality type, along with big emphaty planted on my self.

I will try to make some to do list for 2 next months.
1. Searching for new job
2. Practicing Software
3. Enterpreneurship (Cathering, Photography, and Aquaponic) concepting

Sometime I think about writing some short story, for selling it into movie idea, or at least it can help me to practice my writing skill. It can increase my knowledge about language not only in English but also in Bahasa.

I want to make writing and reading as my habit, rather than scrolling up and dwon to my media social. Sometime I still need it to fing references, but I think mostly it just wasted my time. So it’s time to change to good habit. I believe with good habit, i will get a good life.

 

Bad Society

Recently, I’ve got a bad news about one of my friend would get divorce with his wife soon. I didn’t know the exact reason in the beggining, but because the issue has been spreaded out in entire office, a few people started to talk about it. The reason from what I heard, He divorce because he caughted cheating with another woman. The worse part is the woman is a “bad woman”. I’ve never got a chance to talk with him privately, because he prefer to work in site rather than in office. But these are kind of my analysis about him.

  1. He is bad person. I’ve ever heard the story of him cheating with some woman back in college. He’s kind of person who curious about “fraternity” like drinks or night life, and he is really good with those people. So, maybe it’s like a habit.
  2. Stress, maybe he was in a stress condition, then he need some sweet escape. “companion”, for some people can relese their stress. Because of his wife is far from him, so he find the other woman who can give him such a warm passionate night (maybe).
  3. Distance. It give some contribution to cheating. Maybe, if her wife close to him. He would thought many times before cheated. He also could released everything, the stress he got, the desire of sex, he would get a warm night everynight, well communication.
  4. Society. I think this is the biggest of influence of him back to his habit. Because the pressure in the office, he choosen to move his work at the field to out of him from certain “as* hole” person. People in the field is tend to feel free at everything. So, he mindset back to his habbit. He got his cue, for a “pleasure”. So, it’s happen.

When you are in good society, you will feel social pressure to do something out of rule. You will be reminded to be in “straight way”.  But, once the society is bad, your inner evil start to grow up and make your heart and mind blind. That really important to choose which society you want to involve. If you are a good person, and you have easy going and friendly personality, you better watch out with people on your near circle. You can be dragged to the think that you have capability to reject it, but in the name of fraternity or recognition you will turn to your alter ego.

Hi there, currently I’m in the blue, because of the result of interview. I thought all the interviewer interested on my master knowledge, but in fact they just throw me out the league. So I end up in a sorrow from my high expectation. It’s fvcking sad actually, my mind like blowing randomly. But I just don’t want to give up easily. I have to find what is lack on me. I have to make a list then, so people will be attracted to me.

  1. I have mastering certain things in civil or general enginnering
  2. I have to find recipe of rare food, that can i sell to other
  3. Learning about built up bussiness
  4. Reducing my time for playing game and youtubing unimportant topic.
  5. Schedulling all my activity within day

it’s just a short list, will be detailing in my book

 

Growing Up

We are creature that develop different way in different time. You may loose to your self, by the hatred in the past. But maybe you can pass it in the future with big smile drawing in your face. You might felt so burden when faced one problem, in certain time ahead you’ll meet again with it and face it with a sincerity.

But what are things that change the burden and the hatred become matter less ?
As for me, because I am focus more to my self, and make other not really my big concern.
I am still on trying not to overthinking about what people though to me, and try to find my peace and happiness without harm any other people feeling.
Is it hard ? of course, that’s why people is growing up to surpass the hard matter in past life.

I am sure, that my life will still blooming in the future. This is not my brightest shine. I will make my self proud. It isn’t about to show other people, but to show my true self instead.

In the Middle of “Productive Sunday”

Currently, my project forcing the employees to work in Sunday, due to the time of this project is getting closer to its finish line. Actually my basic job desk will be finished sooner, I just have a few load of assignment. I don’t see any effectiveness of working in Sunday. It should be for rest, moreover I have no much work anymore. Back to the last year, I always finished my working on the 11 pm, and my weekend was used for working. I don’t like being forced anyway. I will working sincerely if i have so much work to do as my responsibility.

I have another thought about my resolution for this year. To get rid off my overthinking I have to fulfill my mind with something productive. Maybe I will lost my precious free time, but it will give me better direction. I don’t really want to hold on to friends, after I do some good things to them. I have to release the thought that people will do the same to you, it’s not that easy. I don’t need to think about it, but just pray and wish they will have a good life.

I have to concern with my own happiness. Seeking for the true meaning of happiness. does sacrifice to someone you think special will give you real happiness ? does hang out with someone you really care about will make you happy ?

It takes time to each other have same feeling, that is when the happiness coming.